I got laid off last year from a job that I truly enjoyed and thought I was going to be there for at least a few more years. Around the same time, I had a close friend that also got laid off from his job of 13 years.

What I want to highlight today though is “how do you support a loved one who’s been laid off?”

How do you support a loved one who’s gotten some terrible news and you want to be there for them?

Because if you’ve been laid off, telling your loved ones, telling your family can be can bring up:

• Shame
• Anxiety
• Fear of judgments
• Loss of identity and purpose
• Fear of disappointing your loved ones
• Self-doubt in your own talents and skills

For me, it was just shock. I just couldn’t get over that feeling of “what is going on?”

My friend also felt the same things, but he felt a lot more of that loss of identity and doubt.

We’re really fortunate we have families and friends that were really supportive.

So how can you support the ones you love who’ve been laid off?

First, provide community – Having people we loved and trusted listen to us without judgement or rush to fix things was healing by itself. That first day, my wife just sat and listened and didn’t question our bills or worry about what was going to happen next. She just took the rest of the day off and sat with me as I stared off into the distance.

Second, let emotions flow – Emotions aren’t good or bad, they just are. The support from loved ones gave us permission to feel all the feelings, in our own time and in our own ways. While I just focused on the shock and then turned to the future, my friend focused a lot more on that loss of identity and grieving that loss for himself. We had great friends and family that allowed us to feel that and also gave us space to express those emotions without judgment.

Third, nurture their souls – we’re both Christian, so we were able to find solace in our faith in God and opportunities to strengthen our souls. Find ways to engage your loved ones to get into activities that feed their soul and spirit – even if it’s not religious, some activity or group that brings them joy.

Fourth, get clear – Our family and friends were helpful, but the reality is they sometimes needed help from us to know what we needed. At the end of the day, I just needed a little bit of time to process and my wife gave me that time. She didn’t force me to do activities I didn’t want to do or go on walks. She just let me go do what I need to do to process. It’s important to ask and get clarity.

Fifth, help them maintain habits – In these situations, it’s easy to want to disconnect. Find ways to get them maintaining some semblance of a regular habit. I still had to get my kids breakfast and get them to school. I still had to get dinner ready. My wife could have taken those things on, but in the moment, they were helpful to help keep me engaged and not totally withdraw from life. Sure – make things easier, but don’t totally let them disengage.

What do they need from you? Do they need just space? Do they need time? Do they need an opportunity to vent? Do they need space to brainstorm and think about the next steps? Do they need a drink or a meal together?

I’m sure there’s lots more, but these 5 tips are the foundational ways to help treat somebody’s emotions and spirit in difficult times.

Supporting them, especially through a difficult time, is not about finding the next step.

It’s not about connecting them to that next step (which if you can do, is really nice when they’re ready).

The real question is always how can you help somebody’s spirit heal from a difficult situation?

Until next time,

Chris

PS – What did I forget? Is there something else that you think would be helpful? Reply back and let me know!