Recently, I published an article on how to master your emotions in hard conversations.
But what about the other person’s emotions?
What about when they yell? Or start verbally attacking you? Or when they start crying? Or when they go off on tangents?
I could spend forever talking about these things (and I do sometimes, especially on my podcast and on webinars).
I wanted to follow up on that and provide a simple tool you can use to plan out how you’ll respond to hard emotions.
Click the picture to download
It follows a straightforward process to be intentional and proactive, rather than trying to figure out in the moment what to do.
At the heart of it, you only need to:
1. Assess how the other person tends to react
Do they tend to be in fight, flight, or freeze when faced with stressful situations?
2. Identify what that looks like.
This is what you’ll see most. At the core of it, you want to get better at not getting rattled with what they’re saying or doing in the moment. Instead, focus on understanding what they’re really feeling underneath their surface behaviors.
3. Plan out what you can do to calm them down in the moment.
From there, you can focus on identifying the emotion and helping them get back to center. A lot of it is active listening, but it could look like:
- Reflecting emotions
- Summarizing
- Being silent
- Taking a break
The better you prepare, it doesn’t just help you respond better in the moment, the more confident and comfortable you’ll feel going into the conversation since you’ll have a plan.
I’ve had innumerable clients in coaching and therapy feel more capable of handling a hard conversation just by doing the extra work of preparation, especially planning for the inevitability of hard emotions and behaviors. As one client reported, she felt it helped her feel more “centered”.
If this worksheet helps, let me know! I’d love to hear how things go as you use it to help you plan things out.
Download it here if you haven’t already
Cheers,
Chris
PS – Whenever you’re ready, I have 3 ways to help you:
- Difficult Conversations Course >> If you struggle with difficult conversations and want to dive deeper, take this course where I help you handle the toughest conversations with confidence, balance empathy and assertiveness, and respond to the most difficult behaviors.
- 1-hour Effective Performance Coaching Course >> If you’re a manager looking for strategies to be better at coaching your employees, take this free 1 hour course to boost up your coaching ability
- Podcast: The Art and Science of Difficult Conversations. >> If you’re interested in more ways to manage difficult conversations, I also have a podcast, available wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube
