You led an open roundtable discussion with your team and it didn’t go well.
They argued, yelled, vented their frustration – all seemingly towards you.
And the worst thing? They told you that “leadership doesn’t care”
And you know they probably don’t mean you personally, but it’s hard not to feel:
- Hurt
- Angry
- Annoyed
- Frustrated
Especially since you’ve been trying everything in your power to make their lives easier and support them. All your hard work seems to have gone unnoticed and totally rejected by everyone.
Maybe you got a little heated and got into an argument.
Or maybe you told a story about how you once were in their shoes.
Or maybe you tried to convince them of how you have been trying to fix things all along.
I’m willing to bet if you tried those things, it didn’t really work.
The next time you get push back or hard feedback in group settings, try this instead:
Silence
Oftentimes, the best thing you can do is just be silent and allow others’ voices to be heard. If they’re feeling comfortable enough to share their frustrations – that’s fantastic. It’s better than the alternative.
People who refuse to speak out because they don’t feel safe enough.
When I was feeling that anxiety of hearing people push back against me, I would squeeze a hard object in my hand. It forced me to stay silent but allowed me to channel that frustration somewhere in the moment.
Find something, anything, to channel that anxiety in the moment so you can stay present.
The higher the emotions are in the room, the calmer you need to be. Otherwise, you’ll just get into a never ending power struggle.
Plus, the more you listen, the more you can hear the themes of what’s really driving their anger and frustration.
Acknowledge
This doesn’t mean talk about how you feel the same way they do. Or how you used to feel the same way.
I mean straight up acknowledge what they’re saying and what THEY are feeling.
No qualifications, no context, just straight up “I hear you, you’re angry about how things are going. And you have every right to be.”
That’s a full stop.
Trying to convince them of anything else just sends the underlying message that you don’t believe them.
Turn the corner
This is where the magic happens – ask them what they think the solutions should be.
Write it down, get clarity on what they’re suggesting.
Do whatever it takes to take every suggestion they have seriously.
That’s part 1 of how you show you’re taking things seriously and not make them feel like their concerns are being dismissed.
Follow Up
Take it seriously by exploring all the suggestions they brought up. See what’s feasible and has merit.
Build credibility by going back to them and talking through your process.
That’s part 2 – following up again and again is how to demonstrate you’re taking them seriously.
It’s not a one-time fix. It’s a marathon, it’s taking the time to go back time and time again to build the culture you want.
When I was doing family therapy, I would 100% take any family that would spend the entire session yelling at each other and throwing stuff over a family that was quiet and wouldn’t answer any questions or talk to each other or look each other in the eye.
Big, hard feelings seem scary at first, but lean into them. I promise good things can come out of hard conversations.
Cheers,
Chris
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PS – Whenever you’re ready, I have 3 ways to help you:
- Free Strategy Assessment >> If you’re a nonprofit leader, take a free, 5-minute quiz to evaluate your nonprofit’s strategy implementation plan
- Top 10 Leadership Competency Survey >> My friend Shaina Lane is conducting a survey on what you think the top 10 leadership competencies that a new leader should have are. The survey is only 2 questions, so if you have time, please take a look, thanks!
- Podcast: The Art and Science of Difficult Conversations. >> If you’re interested in more ways to manage difficult conversations, I also have a podcast, Available wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube
