Last week, I talked about challenging the assumptions we make about others.  

But how do you deal with the assumptions that you make about yourself? 

For instance, my ongoing feeling that I’m getting fired or that people hate me. 

What about you? What do you believe about yourself? 

If you’ve had bad experiences (for instance, I’ve actually been fired before), you may be scarred by that experience. We all have these types of experiences – events that cause us to color our interactions with others. For a lot of assumptions, it’s far beyond the scope of this letter for me to tell you how to fix that, because that’s something for therapy or coaching.

But there’s a fairly simple way we can start addressing those stories we tell ourselves that I’ve found helpful:

First, gain some awareness.

Start keeping track of what you’re telling yourself when you hear or experience the things that trigger you.

For instance, I would start tracking when somebody tells me, “I wanna talk to you.” 

What do you say to yourself?  Again, for me, I’m thinking I’m gonna be fired. 

Second, challenge why you think it.

Ask yourself, “Why do I tell myself that story?” 

Think of it like a ticker tape at the bottom of news programs, where they’re always scrolling through what’s going on in the world or other kinds of highlights.  

Every time we experience life, we filter everything through this lens – interpreting how the world is through our past experiences.

So if I believe that I’m always doing something wrong, every time I’m called to talk to someone, I view it through that lens and think that I’m being found out.

Part of this step is figuring out what is that lens for yourself, what is that story you tell yourself that you filter every interaction through from there.

Third, test out a more helpful alternative view.

Once you find that out, then you have to think of a reframe that changes away from that. That’s the easiest way to do it without having to go through years and years of therapy for yourself.

Just think, “what is a better way for me to think about this?”

What is a more helpful way to think about this situation? 

So instead of thinking I’ve done something wrong, I can test out alternative thoughts like “they just want an update on a project I’m working on” or “they just want to chat”.

I don’t want to trick you into thinking that this is an easy fix, just do that, and you’re going to be done in a couple of weeks. 

It takes a while, even with the best of intentions and the most insightful person. Every person I’ve ever worked with takes at least a couple of months to identify AND try out a more helpful reframe.

But once you do that, you’re able to manage your self doubt much better. 

Then you’re able to deal with these hard situations. You may still have that assumption, but it won’t impact you as much anymore.  

I still think I’m going to be fired, but it won’t derail me. 

I won’t get into a tailspin and I won’t get so anxious that I get a panic attack. But I’ll be able to temper it and think through other possibilities and consider what else could be happening. 

So overall not easy, but these are things that I think are really helpful to think through for yourself.

I know it’s not easy, but our thoughts influence our feelings, which ultimately influence our behaviors. 

Cheers,

Chris

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PS – Whenever you’re ready, I have 3 ways to help you:

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