This was and is a wild week, with lots of emotions for everyone. 

People are feeling all sorts of ways with the results of the US presidential election.  Some are elated and excited for the future.

Some are downright terrified about their own future and/or the future of others.

I don’t want to paint myself as a political expert, so I can’t speak to why the results are the way they are or what it means for the future, I only have my own limited personal opinions.  

But, what I do know is how to have hard conversations, but not just that, how to support those who are grieving or feeling pain.  

So regardless of how you voted or who you hoped would win, I’m willing to bet there’s someone in your life that’s not feeling great, so here are a few ways you can help support them:

DON’T say everything will be ok

When people are in pain, whether that statement is true or not doesn’t help.  It’s sending the message that you don’t think their pain/feelings are valid. 

DON’T tell them to get over it/suck it up

This is actually quite similar to the last one, but a little more pointed.  Again, the goal is empathy and understanding.  If you’re trying to preserve or improve a relationship, this will have the opposite effect.

DO allow them to feel what they’re feeling and listen.

In the aftermath of bad events or experiences, emotions run wild – and that’s ok.

Feelings aren’t good or bad, they just are.  Allowing people to feel feelings isn’t counterproductive, but denying or ignoring feelings is.

And when a person is feeling intense emotions, their amygdala is highly activated and they literally have decreased capacity to slow down and think rationally in the moment.  It’s not a moment to use logic and reasoning, it’s a time to spend time listening and help them manage their emotions.

QTIP

Quit Taking It Personally

In intense emotional states, people say all sorts of things.  It’s all too easy to hear some of things people say, even if it’s pointed or harsh remarks and get defensive and escalate the situation.  

If someone says something that is or feels directed towards you, either disengage and take a break calmly, or keep yourself cool and allow them to feel their feelings.  

I don’t know what the next few years will bring, but I have noticed it seems harder and harder to have these types of difficult conversations, precisely because it brings up a lot of stuff for everyone.  

Cheers,

Chris

Linkedin | Instagram

PS – Whenever you’re ready, I have 3 ways to help you:

1. Free Strategy Assessment >>  If you’re a nonprofit leader, take a free, 5-minute quiz to see how ready your organization is to turn vision into action
2. 1-hour Effective Performance Coaching Course >> If you’re a manager looking for strategies to be better at coaching your employees, take this free 1 hour course to boost up your coaching ability
3. Podcast: The Art and Science of Difficult Conversations. >> If you’re interested in more ways to manage difficult conversations, I also have a podcast,  Available wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube