“How do you network?”

Especially if you don’t like networking.

Especially if you’re shy.

Or in my case, I used to hate networking because I thought it was just “being fake” or pretending to be someone I wasn’t. But one of my mentors, who was the head of my grad program, wisely told me long ago, “you won’t get very far in your career with that thinking”.

Ultimately, he was right, I missed out on multiple opportunities [in fact, I shared about this in a previous newsletter!]

I want to be clear, it’s no longer enough just to be good at your job.

Building strong relationships and networking is vital to really developing your career.

But HOW?

Let me help answer with some specific tactics you can use based on questions I’ve been getting:

1. Learn to think about networking differently

I’ve found that getting comfortable with the idea of networking comes down to reframing the entire of networking.

Look at it as an opportunity to be curious about learning about someone else and finding what makes them tick. 

• What do they care about? 
• What are they interested in? 
• What are they passionate about?

From there, you can find something you have in common with them and chat about that.

In one of my previous roles, there was a c-level leader that I could not stand. But she loved football, and I loved football.

So I was able to build a relationship with her because I would just focus on our shared interest of football. You don’t have to become best friends with everybody, but if you can humanize people, you can at least have a good working relationship.

2. Even if you have nothing in common, learn more about what drives their passion

Take  the example of advanced math – something I personally couldn’t care less about.

If someone starts talking about how passionate they are about something like advanced math, my follow up question would be:

“What about advanced math interests you so much?”

OR

“How did you get so into advanced math?”

Do you see how it works? It doesn’t have to be about the content, it can just be focused on learning about them as a person.

Why are they passionate about this? What makes them tick?

If you have a curious enough tone, you can even share genuinely about why you can’t get into that topic.

“Man, I’ve never been able to get into math that deeply because I just wasn’t good at it. It’s incredible that your brain is able to work like that.”

I even throw in a genuine compliment.

3. Practice, Practice, Practice

Start small. 

Start with friends and other people you know and practice just asking questions about them and their interests. Get used to asking follow up questions in a safe space and then practice longer conversations or practice short conversations with people you know less.

Hopefully those quick tips help.

Do you have other tips to help networkers that hate networking? Let me know and I’ll add them into a larger resource!

Cheers,

Chris

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PS – Whenever you’re ready, I have 3 ways to help you:

1. Difficult Conversations Course >>  If you struggle with difficult conversations, take this course where I help you handle the toughest conversations with confidence, balance empathy and assertiveness, and respond to the most difficult behaviors.
2. 1-hour Effective Performance Coaching Course >> If you’re a manager looking for strategies to be better at coaching your employees, take this free 1 hour course to boost up your coaching ability
3. Podcast: The Art and Science of Difficult Conversations. >> If you’re interested in more ways to manage difficult conversations, I also have a podcast, available wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube