You won’t always know when you’ll get into a difficult conversation.

Truth is, they can happen any time.

But a big mistake I’ve seen others make is “agreeing to disagree”. It sounds nice, here’s the problem:

You’re ignoring the issue

It can be dismissive if you ignore the other person’s concern

You can feel frustrated if someone uses it to ignore your concerns

If you need to decide something, it doesn’t get you closer to that solution

I know I’ve said this to you before, but here’s my motto in hard conversations:

“Start with no”

Someone pushing back against you isn’t a bad thing, in fact – it gives you even more important information. It tells you exactly what’s important to the other person.

So get more information by staying curious and asking questions when you hear that push back. To help you, I’ve got some scenarios (both professional and personal) to give you an idea of how you could respond.

Notice how most of them focus on asking more questions to understand, not to dismiss or convince.

Professional Situations

Scenario: Someone disagrees with your idea for a new strategy, opting to stay with the current one.

Try this: “What concerns you about the new strategy?”

Scenario: A VP is concerned about allowing fully remote work impacting collaboration and productivity

Try this: “Would you be interested in talking more about other potential ways to test it out and see if there is an impact on productivity and collaboration?”

Scenario: Concerned about the cost of switching to a new software system

Try this: “I know this isn’t an inexpensive proposal. Other than cost, what other concerns might you have about a new software system?”

Scenario: Pushing back against your request for additional budget and resources into an important project.

Try this: “I understand that budgets are tight and you’re concerned about spreading it even thinner. Here are my priorities in the project: “X” and “Y”. Would you be willing to have a further conversation to see how we could collaborate and meet both our needs?”

Personal Situations

Scenario: Partner disagrees with your vacation idea, preferring somewhere with more activities and less relaxation

Try this: “What places did you have in mind for vacation?”

Scenario: When house hunting, your partner disagrees with you, preferring a city environment.

Try this: “What is it about a city setting that you love?”

Scenario: Your partner is opposed to the idea of a renovation because it’s too expensive and ambitious.

Try this: “I agree, it’s not cheap, my concern is that without this renovation, our house will flood again next winter and this also allows the kids more room to have their own space. Is there something we could do to manage both the cost and these other concerns?”

Scenario: Your fiancée is opposed to inviting your cousin, whom you grew up with, to your wedding.

Try this: “What makes you opposed to him coming to our wedding?”

As you can see, almost all of them are just asking a straight up question to better understand what the underlying concern is.

You can also acknowledge their concern, share your own priorities, and involve them in figuring out a solution that helps both of you.

Instead of putting yourselves on opposite sides of an issue, find ways to get them on the same side as you to solve a common problem.

Got more? Let me know how you typically respond to push back or conflict.

Cheers,

Chris

Connect with me on:

Linkedin, Instagram, Website

PS – Whenever you’re ready, I have 3 ways to help you:

If you’re a nonprofit leader, take a free, 5-minute quiz to evaluate your nonprofit’s strategy implementation plan >>>>> Did I mention it’s free?

If you’re a manager looking for strategies to be better at coaching your employees >>>>> Check out this link to a free 1-hour course on effective performance coaching.

If you’re interested in more ways to manage difficult conversations, I also have a podcast, The Art and Science of Difficult Conversations. Available wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube.

07/25/2024

Dear Kaiya,

Cheers,

Chris

Linkedin | Instagram | Website

PS – Whenever you’re ready, I have 3 ways to help you:

1. Free Strategy Assessment >>  If you’re a nonprofit leader, take a free, 5-minute quiz to evaluate your nonprofit’s strategy implementation plan
2. 1-hour Effective Performance Coaching Course >> If you’re a manager looking for strategies to be better at coaching your employees, take this free 1 hour course to boost up your coaching ability
3. Podcast: The Art and Science of Difficult Conversations. >> If you’re interested in more ways to manage difficult conversations, I also have a podcast,  Available wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube