Hard conversations will test you, your patience, and your values.  

Don’t get the wrong idea – it’s important to get out of your comfort zone in these types of conversations because the outcome can be really worthwhile.

What you shouldn’t do is feel like you have to compromise your own values.  

You shouldn’t have to feel like it’s ok for people to yell at you or demean you.  

That’s why before you ever get into that difficult conversation, you should get incredibly clear on your values.  

Then separate them into 2 categories: flexible values and non-negotiable values.

Flexible values are the ones that are important to you, but you’re willing to be flexible on – in the interest of getting your outcome.  For me, yelling and aggression is something I actually don’t mind, especially if I know it’s going to be a more contentious discussion.  But if it’s something that triggers you, that means it’s a non-negotiable value.

Non-negotiable values are the ones you’re not willing to be flexible on.  Meaning, if the other person crosses that boundary, you shouldn’t feel compelled to continue the conversation.  For me, yelling is actually ok, but once the yelling is directed at me or someone else, that’s a boundary I set – that means I will end the conversation there.

Being willing to end the conversation is such an important skill and one that is actually kinda unpredictable.  

Because maybe you start the conversation and they immediately cross one of your non-negotiable values/boundaries.  That means it’d be reasonable for you to end the conversation immediately.

Or maybe they cross it towards the end of the conversation and refuse to recognize your boundary.  That means you may have been close to a resolution, but now have to stop.

At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself. 

So take the time beforehand and:

1. List out your values
2. Narrow down the non-negotiable values
3. Set the ground rules at the beginning of the conversation
4. Get agreement on the ground rules
5. Be willing to take a pause or end the conversation if they cross your boundaries.

Be confident and comfortable in yourself, you have value and worth, don’t forget that.

Cheers,

Chris

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PS – Whenever you’re ready, I have 3 ways to help you:

1. Free Strategy Assessment >>  If you’re a nonprofit leader, take a free, 5-minute quiz to evaluate your nonprofit’s strategy implementation plan
2. 1-hour Effective Performance Coaching Course >> If you’re a manager looking for strategies to be better at coaching your employees, take this free 1 hour course to boost up your coaching ability
3. Podcast: The Art and Science of Difficult Conversations. >> If you’re interested in more ways to manage difficult conversations, I also have a podcast,  Available wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube